🤫 Whisper #9: What, not Why.
Switch from "why" to "what." Avoid defensiveness, learn more (faster), and enjoy more openness from others.
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Whisper #9
Asking "what" instead of "why" to avoid putting people on the defensive
To be a good coach, the other person needs to believe that you are in their court, even when they have made a mistake or error in judgment.
When you ask someone “Why” they did something, you are asking them to defend their decision.
“Why” questions provoke defensive responses.
In general, it's best to avoid triggering defensiveness, because it's simply not productive.
Switching away from one simple word — Why — creates neutrality as we coach, mentor, and thought partner with others.
Your goal is to ask questions that invite responses that explain a thought process rather than responses that defend a position.